first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
