Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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