This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
