do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
