turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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