guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
