having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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