I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
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Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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