i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
