I want to have your abortion
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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