proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize