My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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