"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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