He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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