we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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