You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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