i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
