Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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