then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
