THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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