She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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