I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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