In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
