you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
