ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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