Ambien. No doubt about it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
