what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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