Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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