I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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