no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
