I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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