Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
