dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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