my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you're hired as official boob wrangler
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
