I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
