so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
