You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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