You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
