I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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