I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
