Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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