what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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