I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Don't make out with my wife yet
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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