im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
