I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
