hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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