she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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