It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
