The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
