so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
