He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
