I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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