I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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