I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We left the knife in your bed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
